Venturing into the Pisces Full Moon and the season called Fall brings about the theme of change and healing.
I recently read on Mystic Mamma a thoughtful post on this theme of change for the month of September and how change is a choice, even when it appears that it is not. Change is inevitable, after all, whether we like it or not, so why not make change OUR choice, right?
Choosing to heal - from childhood traumas, broken relationships, unrequited love - requires change…. CHOOSING to change.
In the last few months, I have been through quite a bit of change, which would appear to have not been my choice, yet I am aware that the desires of my heart and the intentions I had sent out to the Universe created a vibration of inevitable change. Through this change, I have had to choose to forgive and release in order to heal. What remains is the abundant need for unconditional love… first for myself, then for others.
What also brought this to the forethought for me was a conversation I had with a dear friend the other day. He is going through a profound time of self-discovery mixed with a significant dose of confusion. As I listened to him share recent discoveries, frustrations and passions, it became abundantly apparent that he also suffered from a 'Jesus Complex'. I recognize this one all too well, as a recovering Jesus Complexer.
With the Jesus Complex, we desperately want to love and help and heal people we care about. This seems a wonderful thing, but really, it's just co-dependency.
Falling in love with broken souls, sacrificing our own health to care for the health of others, witnessing a mate through regurgitated trauma, living in toxic environments and relationships, etc…
I have done it all.
I didn't love myself.
People who love themselves gently and ferociously without judgement are able to love others with beautiful, unconditional acceptance without losing themselves. Mostly, because they have learned to release that which no longer serves them and acquire healthy boundary lines.
I choose to be that person.
As I listened to my friend, I found the old familiar pull of co-dependence, wanting to give him all I had to help him find his way. Quickly, I breathed love energy into myself and then was able to see clearly… I am no good to him if I am not first good to myself. I drew my boundary line, silently offered my prayers of love & support and moved forward.
This morning I meditated as I have faithfully done daily the last 23 days. Today's guided meditation had the mantra "I choose love". As I repeated this mantra through my breath, I started to really see what it was that I needed to do in order to truly love myself unconditionally. It made me instantly feel calm, warm and even emotional.
We all have different histories, stories and needs, so what I need to do love myself is different from what anyone else needs to do. I am certain there are some sages out there who would argue that 'doing' anything is unnecessary.
I hadn't been to the gym in weeks, choosing to walk outside instead. My strong arms and legs became softer than I prefer, and I would frown as I looked at myself in the mirror. Then I would stop and in my mind I would shrug my shoulders and say 'that's ok… this is where you are right now'.
During this change in season and moon phase, use the energy to purge, cleanse, release and heal… and then choose to refill your soul with pure, unconditional love for yourself. Only then will you be ready to love others in a life changing way.